I typed the word "relationships" in the Google search box and found some interesting results. The first result listed was a web site titled, Go Ask Alice. On the home page, there are several topics about relationships listed, and under each topic are several subtopics you can select for information and discussion.
Under the topic, "True love" -- could it be true? Alice is asked the question, "Is there such a thing as 'true love'? The reason I ask is that my observations of the world today indicate that there are more people getting divorced, getting cheated on, and breaking up than there are happy couples that are in love and stay in love. I mean, are humans mentally and physically capable of staying in love with someone and being faithful to each other?" (goaskalice, 5/10/10)
I think the same question can be asked of a group of people, like a church congregation. What are the prospects for a long-term relationship between the members of a particular congregation, or different churches in a denomination?
I think we can liken the references to "getting divorced, getting cheated on, and breaking up", to what often happens in the church. Division and strife in the church are more common than we like to admit. Yet, you would think that the church is the last place you would find this problem. But, there are reasonable answers to the difficulties we face in relationships.
Dr. Mark D. White is a professor in the Department of Political Science, Economics, and Philosophy at the College of Staten Island and The Graduate Center, CUNY. He has a blog on the Psychology Today web site, and in his blog he gives some important insight relevant to long-term relationships.
"I think it's fairly obvious that when you're considering a serious, potentially long-term relationship with someone, sharing goals and dreams is important, perhaps one of the most important considerations for the long-term health of the relationship. We can't always choose who we fall in love with, but we can choose who to settle down with, and compatibility of goals (if not having the same goals) is critical."
"My main point is that as long as both of their goals are compatible, partners in an ideal loving relationship determine where they want to go together, and they also decide--together--when to make a change in those plans. Autonomy and independence become less of an issue because you share your goals and dreams with that other person, and you don't want to change direction and take a break on your own. You're in it together, and (paradoxically) together you are independent. 'We' replaces 'I,' and in the best relationships, you both embrace that (unbelievable as that may sound to someone who places a high value on independence)."
(Does Love Threaten Autonomy? by Dr. Mark D. White, 5/13/10.)
Dr. White is specifically talking about relationships between men and women and the potential loss of autonomy or individuality. But, his insights into relationships can be applied to the church as well. Let's look at a couple of the insights he gives that might apply to relationships within the church.
"Partners in an ideal loving relationship determine where they want to go together. They decide together when to make a change in those plans. You share your goals and dreams and don't want to change direction on your own. You're in it together. 'We' replaces 'I'."
I think that is what Paul was trying to communicate to the church at Philippi. Listen to Paul's words as he talks about his relationships with Timothy and Epaphroditus. He also talks about the relationships that the people of the church at Philippi should have with each of these men.
Philippians 2:19-24 (NASB)
[19] But I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you shortly, so that I also may be encouraged when I learn of your condition.
[20] For I have no one else of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare.
[21] For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus.
[22] But you know of his proven worth, that he served with me in the furtherance of the gospel like a child serving his father.
[23] Therefore I hope to send him immediately, as soon as I see how things go with me;
[24]and I trust in the Lord that I myself also will be coming shortly.
When you read this portion of Paul's letter to the church at Philippi, it is easy to get lost in the details of his discussion about the intricacies of the people and what is going on between them. If you are not careful, you will miss what Paul tells them about the foundation that must be laid for any good relationship.
Look at verses 20-21 again. "For I have no one else of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare. For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus." That's the key, looking away from self toward Christ and others.
The foundation of all good relationships is to seek after the interests of Christ, not self-interests. This approach to relationships puts concern for others as the priority of the relationship because that is the example Christ gives us in His relationship with us. Christ was willing to give everything for us.
So, Paul is saying two important things about what it takes to have good relationships. First, it takes a genuine concern for the welfare of others. This is the action we take toward others in a healthy relationship. Second, seeking after the interests of Christ instead of self is the key that unlocks the potential for good relationships.
We discovered last week what the interests of Christ are concerning relationships. Jesus said we are to have a genuine concern for others that is lived out in the actions of our lives. Matthew 25:35-36 - For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.
In the very first actions of Jesus public ministry and His interactions with people, we see this priority of others over self. Think for a moment about the first followers He called. What did Jesus tell them He was going to teach them?
Matthew 4:18-22 (NASB)
[18] Now as Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon who was called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen.
[19] And He said to them, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men."
[20] Immediately they left their nets and followed Him.
[21] Going on from there He saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets; and He called them.
[22] Immediately they left the boat and their father, and followed Him.
There have been all kinds of speculation about why these four men just walked away from their businesses to follow Jesus. I wonder if it could be just the simple fact that they were tired of looking after their own interests, and wanted to help others.
That is exactly what Jesus was calling them to do; capture men and women for the Kingdom of God. Jesus would teach them how to love and help others.
Paul goes on to give us some great insight about what good relationships look like in verses 25-30.
Philippians 2:25-30 (NASB)
[25] But I thought it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus, my brother and fellow worker and fellow soldier, who is also your messenger and minister to my need;
[26] because he was longing for you all and was distressed because you had heard that he was sick.
[27] For indeed he was sick to the point of death, but God had mercy on him, and not on him only but also on me, so that I would not have sorrow upon sorrow.
[28] Therefore I have sent him all the more eagerly so that when you see him again you may rejoice and I may be less concerned about you.
[29] Receive him then in the Lord with all joy, and hold men like him in high regard;
[30] because he came close to death for the work of Christ, risking his life to complete what was deficient in your service to me.
Again, it is easy to get lost in all that Paul is saying about the people and miss the important statements he makes about relationships. In verses 25 and 26, Paul gives us six facets of a good relationship. Look at these key words and their significance when considering relationships we have in life.
Paul uses these key words to describe his relationship with Epaphroditus. These are the qualities he sees in the life of Epaphroditus as they struggle together in the work of the Kingdom of God.
He calls Epaphroditus, Brother. This title is an indication that Epaphroditus holds a position of importance in Paul's life that is on the level of a close, loving family member; a close friend. Jesus did this same thing with His followers.
John 15:12-17 (NASB)
[12] "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.
[13] "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
[14] "You are My friends if you do what I command you.
[15] "No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.
[16] "You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.
[17] "This I command you, that you love one another.
This is the picture of what the relationships of life should look like. This is a picture of what the church should look like.
Next, Paul refers to Epaphroditus as a Fellow Worker. This indicates that Paul and Epaphroditus have a common direction or goal as they work together in the Kingdom of God.
Just before He ascended into heaven, Jesus gave His followers a common goal.
Matthew 28:16-20 (NASB)
[16] But the eleven disciples proceeded to Galilee, to the mountain which Jesus had designated.
[17] When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some were doubtful.
[18] And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.
[19] "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,
[20] teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
Jesus gave that common goal to all of His followers. It is a goal that reaches out through the centuries of time capturing the attention of all those who would choose to follow Jesus.
The next term Paul uses to describe Epaphroditus is Fellow Soldier. This phrase indicates a common priority and focus. And, a soldier also indicates a common determination that finds its strength and power in numbers; people working, and fighting together for a common goal.
It is important that we see ourselves, not in a struggle against our perceived ideas of right and wrong, but as soldiers in a struggle to show the love of Christ to the world around us.
It seems to me that the loudest voice the church has today, is its proclamation for social justice. Don't get me wrong, that is important, but it is not what Jesus focused on in His preaching, and it is not the duty He calls followers to in His great commission.
Jesus calls us to a struggle that shows the love of Christ to the world around us.
Matthew 25:35-36 - For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.
This is our battle. We are soldiers of mercy and love in a cruel and unrelenting world that is out to grab what it can for itself. Our battle is to look to the interests of others.
Paul calls Epaphroditus a Messenger. Paul refers to Epaphroditus as a messenger to the church at Philippi indicating a common basis for communication, a common authority, and a common message.
That message was a message of love, mercy, and concern for others. In fact, Jesus said that it is love that would be the proof of our association with Him and His kingdom.
John 13:33-35 (NASB)
[33] "Little children, I am with you a little while longer. You will seek Me; and as I said to the Jews, now I also say to you, 'Where I am going, you cannot come.'
[34] "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.
[35] "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
Minister is another important word Paul uses in describing his relationship with Epaphroditus. This is an indication that he is working to meet the real needs of those around him.
The Greek word used here for minister is a word that means public servant. That brings two important questions before us.
There is another question we should ask as we consider the topic at hand. Do the ministries, public services, we perform meet the kinds of real needs that Jesus talked about, or do they merely meet the needs of the Christian community?
I guess it would be appropriate to make a list of the real needs that people have in our community before we think about how we might meet those needs. I think Jesus' understood what it meant to meet the REAL needs of people.
Matthew 25:35-36 - For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.
Longing is the last word that Paul uses in his description of Epaphroditus. This is an indication of a common emotion and passion that they have in their relationships with each other. That same passion is also the passion they had for the church at Philippi.
A passion that was fueled by their personal encounter with Jesus Christ, and their decision to become His followers. If we have not done so already, we can have this same encounter with the King of kings. I promise you that a real encounter with the Savior, will fuel your passion to follow Him.
What kind of passion do we have as a congregation of believers? When you think about Mountain View, do you think that our greatest longing is to serve ourselves, or are we a community of believers who longs to seek to fulfill the commission that Jesus has given us as His followers?
In order for our church to move forward, I believe we need to change our relationship with the community we live in. I believe we need to change the emphasis with which we approach our ministry as a part of the Kingdom of God.
In the future, we will be having some discussions, brainstorming sessions, if you will, about how we can do a better job at carrying out the commission our Lord has given us. I hope you will be part of those discussions.
Please stand for a closing prayer.
NASB - New American Standard Bible (NASB). Cedar Rapids: Laridian, 2002.
I would like to thank Robyn Harper, who helps me with editing.